wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
