i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
