i barfeds in our rink
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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