singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
