It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
