You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
