If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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