Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
