I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
