So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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