thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
