The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
