Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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