i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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