You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
