I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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