sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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