You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
