Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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