Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize