I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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