i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
