You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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