theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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