kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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