A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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