Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
