Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
