My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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