I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
