When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
