I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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