i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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