I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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