need another drink. this is the easiest way
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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