You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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