dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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