omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
