yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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