We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
