I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
