Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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