i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
