i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
