apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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