Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
