Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
