I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
