If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
