It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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