I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
