I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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