I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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