Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
