Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
accomplished twins. life is a go
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
