Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
