Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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