if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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