So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
