UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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